Foul language from children and respecting the elderly

While visiting family for the Thanksgiving holiday a peculiar conversation came up about children using curse words and the conversation took an interesting turn. I thought I’d share it to gain insight on what other’s think.

This is my take on it. I use the occasional curse word in my every day vocabulary and when in need of an expressive word I usually go to the old bag of tried and true blasphemous phrases. When it comes to my children the old phrase “do as I say and not as I do” just doesn’t work. I cannot expect my children to act any differently than I do so my feeling on the matter is this: if my kids smack their fingers with a hammer, I fully expect to here a curse word, just like they would hear from me. It’s acceptable in my household and it’s understood. After all, any word can be used in a negative and derogatory manner so in effect ANY word can be a curse word, not just the accepted vocabulary of Ozzy Osbourne.

However, there is a limit to my generosity and I draw this line at using this verbiage in a negative and disrespectful manner to other people. Therefore, I feel that I am teaching my kids when to use this type of language and when to show respect to others. My kid cannot call me a foul name out of anger because I wouldn’t disrespect them in that manner. Along with this, they are also being taught social acceptability which is something that most kids are not being taught by their parent. They understand that going into public with a ‘potty” mouth is not socially something they should do because it falls below the nominal level of respect that every person deserves.

Now this is where the debate grew interesting. I simply stated that I teach my children respect based on the respect they receive and not the age of the person they are dealing with. The offended member of my family (in their late 50’s and by no means the oldest in the conversation) stated that ALL elderly people deserve respect (presumably based solely on age.)

I take extreme objection to this misnomer and I politely advised that I don’t feel that elderly people deserve a blank pass in the respect department just because they are older than me. Let’s look at this example. My child is walking down the side walk and an elderly person knocks them to the side so they can pass by because they are in a hurry and what they are doing is surely more important than what my child is doing. Has that person shown any respect to my child? Absolutely not!

My child is being taught not to disrespect but to ignore and walk away from that person because they don’t deserve any more of my child’s life than they’ve already taken. After all, if a person disrespects another person then they don’t care what that person thinks anyway so getting in their face to show disrespect back will likely fall on uncaring ears.

Respect is given on a nominal level and then more is earned or taken away depending on the situation. There is a point when you walk away from a person disrespecting you and there is a time when you need to stand up and fight your fight. To me this is not a case of bravado. It’s a case of standing up for the way you should be treated. If my children learn to walk away from those who disrespect them and to stand up when needed then I feel that I’ve improved my case for father of the year!

I think the “blank check” mentality simply boils down to poor parenting. My way of teaching my children is involved, some what complicated and time consuming. The easy way out is to say “Everyone deserves respect son” because it takes no effort to say and requires no further instruction.

I welcome any feedback on this some what touchy topic.